Lost V.2

…and / when night falls,

I am always nothing but a shadow

of what my dreams once were,

when I dreamed of you,

and dreamed with you.

Lost V.2, Benie.
And for a moment, I wondered:

why would life feel so strange without you?
Why would everything feel so?
Why can I not help but feel
like I have never stopped running,
from something or from someone
not too obvious, now?  
I ran even from you!

There was a time when life
was all the beauty I could see,
when life felt complete,
when I had you and you had me. 
And then, I lost you.
And now, I can't stop running,
even as I have you not.
I run from this feeling
because
I don't know how to be
without you.
Life sucks, that way.
I don't know how to be without you.
I miss you.
I need you.

And even though
my addictive lifestyle tells me
I may be dependant on you,
I know, I can do without you--
I just do not want to.
It sucks when I have to!

Time is ticking,
life changes behind the scenes,
and sometimes, right in front of our eyes.
I am a million versions already--
I feel lost,
I feel like a stranger,
within, to myself.
I am a million trials already,
a million chances, already,
and a million more trials untouched.
Time is ticking,
and every second that passes,
without you by my side,
steals a chunk of my soul!

And I know,
and I know,
when night falls,
I am always nothing but a shadow
of what my dreams once were,
when I dreamed of you,
and dreamed with you.

I feel lost--
I am lost without you.
And I know,
and I know,
I cannot do this anymore.
How can I?
With what more of me?
Here is all that is left:
this emptiness,
this cold, delicate thing,
turning to nothingness,
with every moonset and moonrise.
And my days?
But what is one without you?
You were a good reason to see the sunrise,
and bear the heat
of the summer sunshine.
It is freezing cold, now,
and the sun doesn't rise.
You are no more,
and I am no more,
and I don't want to feel any different,
because that would mean
to stop feeling you,
which I never can imagine myself
ever doing.

Featured photo of the poem, Lost Version 1.
Read Lost V.1 here.

##

Photo by KEITH WONG on Unsplash

2 thoughts on “Lost V.2

  1. You outdone yourself Benie
    I’m finding it so hard to express myself, just standing in awe of your thought process and craftmanship.
    There isn’t a line out if place, not even one tiny word.

    ♡I don’t know how to be
    without you. ♡
    The essence of it all

    Like

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