Lost V.2

…and / when night falls,

I am always nothing but a shadow

of what my dreams once were,

when I dreamed of you,

and dreamed with you.

Lost V.2, Benie.

And for a moment, I wondered:

why would life feel so strange without you? 
Why would everything feel so? 
Why can I not help but feel 
like I have never stopped running, 
from something or from someone 
not too obvious, now?   
I ran even from you! 

There was a time when life 
was all the beauty I could see, 
when life felt complete, 
when I had you and you had me.  
And then, I lost you. 
And now, I can't stop running, 
even as I have you not. 
I run from this feeling 
because 
I don't know how to be 
without you. 
Life sucks, that way. 
I don't know how to be without you. 
I miss you. 
I need you. 

And even though 
my addictive lifestyle tells me 
I may be dependant on you, 
I know, I can do without you-- 
I just do not want to. 
It sucks when I have to! 

Time is ticking, 
life changes behind the scenes, 
and sometimes, right in front of our eyes. 
I am a million versions already-- 
I feel lost, 
I feel like a stranger, 
within, to myself. 
I am a million trials already, 
a million chances, already, 
and a million more trials untouched. 
Time is ticking, 
and every second that passes, 
without you by my side, 
steals a chunk of my soul! 

And I know, 
and I know, 
when night falls, 
I am always nothing but a shadow 
of what my dreams once were, 
when I dreamed of you, 
and dreamed with you. 

I feel lost-- 
I am lost without you. 
And I know, 
and I know, 
I cannot do this anymore. 
How can I? 
With what more of me? 
Here is all that is left: 
this emptiness, 
this cold, delicate thing, 
turning to nothingness, 
with every moonset and moonrise. 
And my days? 
But what is one without you? 
You were a good reason to see the sunrise, 
and bear the heat 
of the summer sunshine. 
It is freezing cold, now, 
and the sun doesn't rise. 
You are no more, 
and I am no more, 
and I don't want to feel any different, 
because that would mean 
to stop feeling you, 
which I never can imagine myself 
ever doing.

---

Read Lost V.1 here.

##

Photo by KEITH WONG on Unsplash